I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize