Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
