why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
