Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
