One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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