Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
