I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
