OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
