i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i will never coherently bang her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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