my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They have beer where we have blood.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
