she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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