Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize