Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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