Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
