During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
