i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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