I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize