i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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