Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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