i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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