You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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