Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
