Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
