My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
