the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
