best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
