Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
