So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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