I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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