I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
