pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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