I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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