I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
