yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
