I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
