He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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