i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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