I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
