i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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