my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We have so much sex to catch up on
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
