Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
