Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You ate ashes out of my bong
You ruined the universe
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
