I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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