Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
