White coat. Heels.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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