im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
even my farts smell like vagina
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
