So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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