Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
