So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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