First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
