The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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