i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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