I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
