I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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