I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
