I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
