I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
