he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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