May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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