I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize