he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
