i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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