I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
are you so shy because you have an std?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
be right there i have to get my cape
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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