i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
