i permit you to call me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize