How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
