it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
