we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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