Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
