I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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