hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
