Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
accomplished twins. life is a go
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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