If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
