I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
