Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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