could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
