...so i touched it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
