I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
