New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were destined to go to rehab together
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
