Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
