Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
