I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
