I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
