Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
