I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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