you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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