I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
