the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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