I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
