i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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