You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
