Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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