i think i have two assholes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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