i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
