This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
