No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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