i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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