First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
