They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
