you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
