So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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